You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
