OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
