You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize