I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
