Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
