I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
