you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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