i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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