I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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