In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
