Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
