At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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