I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
