with your own penis?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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