Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
