I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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