You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
