this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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