First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We don't watch enough power rangers
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
