I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If I die, sorry about rent.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
