lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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