dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
