I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
