Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
