remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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