college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
