Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
