Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
