She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
