I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
