he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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