I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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