I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
