why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
