I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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