I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize