do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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