Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
