my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize