I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
