Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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