One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize