My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just puked most of my soul out..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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