haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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