Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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