I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
