I think I won the penis lottery.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wish you could order shots online.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
