How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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