What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
