I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Randomize
