He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize