I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
