if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
