he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
