you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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