You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
