This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
