apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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