I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
