ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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