just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
that is very illegal...i love you.
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