My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
