why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
if only i could text you this smell
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
